In this week’s blog I am sharing about something which we all do, that is no good for us! It is saying, “I’m sorry.”
As a Canadian this is particularly tricky as a large part of our cultural identity is to apologize for the simplest of things, all the time. Truly, I am curious, what are we actually feeling so sorry and guilty for?
Canadian culture aside, guilt is a driving motivator for ALL the NEGATIVITY in the entire world! Nothing good ever comes from acting from your guilt, for when we do things because we feel guilty, we are only compounding the guilt in our minds.
Guilt is ever present, subtly hanging out in the unconscious mind fueling the ego and popping up here and there to scare you!
We were all taught that it was polite to say “I’m sorry” after making a mistake, but it’s not the healthiest thing to do for your self-esteem.
To understand this we have to remember the sensitivity of our unconscious minds. The level of the unconscious mind is expansive and it is the level where ALL the information we take in, goes to. Even the things we don’t remember we were exposed to, they head straight to the unconscious mind. Information like what our peripheral vision sees, or conversations going on in the background. Also, our quips or snap judgments which we make about ourselves or others, although brief, these head straight to the unconscious mind. These judgments, all of this information, it is never gone. So, we need to be careful about that which we choose to judge, for everything that we judge, we are binding ourselves to!
Now, let’s take a closer look at the word “sorry.” It seems pretty harmless and even polite, but I assure you that it is quite the opposite.
If you look up “sorry” in the dictionary you will see that the origin of the word stems from fear-based words and ideas. For example, in Old English the word “sorry” derives from “distressed, grieved and full of sorrow”; in Proto-Germanic, “painful”; in Middle Dutch, “sore, sad”; and in Old High German “sore, full of sores, pain” (physical and mental), relating to “suffering, sick and ill.” Meaning of “wretched, worthless and poor”… ugh.
The synonyms for “sorry” (used in different manners) include; regretful, sympathetic, pitying, unhappy, depressed, sorrowing, grievous, mournful, painful, abject, contemptible, worthless, and shabby.
If we, for some reason, at the end of reading this unfriendly list of words require further clarification we are invited to check out the definition of “wretched.”
Using a word like “sorry” is simply not good for your psyche, and your mind knows it.
Not all is lost though! As it is humble to acknowledge our mistakes and it is important to be compassionate and polite to each other, we can use some replacement terms. I replace “sorry” with the words “pardon” or “excuse.”
For example, “Please excuse my lateness, I got lost on the way here.” Or, “Oh, that’s what you meant! Pardon me, I mistook what you said.”
Now, if you’re going to invest in making this switch, know that you’re going to have egos who will want you to say “I’m sorry” for this or that. If someone really wants you to say “I’m sorry” then keep in mind that it is their ego that wants to hear that word. The ego wants you to feel guilty and it wants you to own it.
As usual, when it comes to the ego, you need not play along and that is always your choice and your free will.
So, for fun, let’s take a look at the origin of the word, “pardon.”
“To grant, to forgive.”
Oh look! One of my favourite things, forgiveness! The only thing which heals the mind of its ego identification.
Remember that the ego believes that you are a sinner, deserving of punishment and death. It is this belief which perpetuates all the world’s problems. Sin, punish, sin, punish, sin, punish. The whole time this cycle continues, negative karma accumulates and the feeling of guilt compounds for both “sinner” and “punisher” while in turn making the “punisher” a “sinner” and vice versa. Messy, right? That’s ego!
The only thing which breaks the ego’s sick cycle of hell is forgiveness. Remember it this way, the Law of Forgiveness overtakes the Law of Karma, every time. Meaning, there is a way out of mental hell.
As I never like to perpetuate guilt, I am always aware of the words I use, because I know that my sensitive unconscious mind has its ears wide open! So words like “sorry”, I have no time for. If I catch myself saying it, it’s all good, but I do take the time to correct myself in my mind and I say…
“I am not sorry. I am not guilty. I know what I am, I am innocent.”
If someone says they are sorry to me, I politely say, “Please don’t ever be sorry. It’s all good.”
You may wonder, are we letting someone off the hook by doing this? Your ego would say yes, but your Spirit knows better. We don’t want to set ourselves up as judge, jury and executioner. This is very unhealthy for the mind and leads to a lot of mental clutter.
If you are having trouble moving past something and you do want an apology from someone, that’s all good, just simply be aware and be gentle with yourself. This is a process; it’s personal and it’s all done in your mind. It really is, for you.
The mind needs time to get used to new ideas, but it is our willingness which helps us get there.
Love and Inner Peace,