Don't Like It, Stop Talking About It

This week’s blog is about the dangers of repetition and reinforcement. I have already shared many times that things which are repeated become harder to undo in the mind, so you want to be cognizant of what ideas and thoughts you are repeating. Surely if they do not serve you, you would be wise to stop investing in them.

But more specifically I would like to write about our “stories,” the tales we tell about ourselves. Whether it is a poor relationship, a nagging physical ailment, the way someone speaks to you or whatever else it may be, you talking about it, complaining about it, or venting about it leaves you in the same low energy.

Where is the relief? Well, it has to come from you. It would be helpful for you to give yourself permission to move beyond the story.

Thoughts grow stronger the more you share them, this is a fundamental law of the mind. So, as you try to seek solace in sharing your negative stories with others, you are in fact making them stronger in your own mind and therefore in your physical experience. (The same goes for anxious thoughts by the way! Don’t share them! Relax and breathe through the fear, it will pass.)

I understand fully that it is super tempting to share your story with many people. It can feel therapeutic. But following the previously mentioned law of the mind, you want to ignore the ego’s temptation to share the story with many people. Because what can start as therapeutic can easily end up to the ego being gleefully stroked.

When I have an issue with something I prefer to speak to one person I trust about it as opposed to sharing the issue with many people. By trust, I mean someone who will hear you but not see you as a victim. Someone who lets you cry it out but then throws on a funny movie and holds your hand. Someone who doesn’t personalize your anger or sadness. Someone who, when you’re ready, helps you to move forward positively and see the situation in a healthy, new light.

I invite you to identify which people in your life you can trust to speak with about any issues you may have. Perhaps there may be a person who is better for you to talk about business with and another who is better for speaking about romance with. But choose wisely. Think of it this way, you’re not going to ask your Grandfather for fashion advice, are you? Probably not. Or your brother who orders pizzas all the time, you’re not going to ask him to hear your foodie ideas for your cocktail party, are you?

Now, if your particular story has something to do with a past event, then let it go. Easier said than done, sure, but here are two quotes about the past to help you along; “The one wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not here.” A Course in Miracles, Lesson 8

True. So, why do we give the past so much power and energy? It’s not here. Decide to move on from your past stories. Keep the lessons, apply forgiveness, but let it go. Don’t give something which is not occurring any power.

The second quote helpful quote is; “Forgive the past and let it go, for it is gone.” A Course in Miracles T.26.V.14.1

There is a difference between dwelling in the past and learning from the past. Dwelling in it means that you have not freed yourself or others from it. You hold yourself in the past and hold the past against others. This is hardly productive or healthy. You and others deserve more than to be held prisoner to the past.

“Remember the good in your brother. Remember the good in yourself. Let all fears and judgments dissolve where they arise. Admit your mistakes and be tolerant of the mistakes others make.”

Love Without Conditions, page 45

This is what I mean from taking the lessons learned with you, and letting everything else go. Keep the love, lose the fear.

Now, if your particular story is occurring in the present, like physical pain or daily challenges with a co-worker, then you require a shift in your perception about the situation. Become proactive for your own comfort. Can you seek holistic treatment for your physical ailment? Do you need to be more active or eat a little better in order for it to go away? Essentially, ask yourself what positive changes you can make to support your physical body in feeling better. Also, acknowledge any thoughts which correspond with the physical pain and shift them.

For dealing with challenging circumstances or people, remember that the situation or person is in your awareness so it may heal. So, again, how can you shift from a negative story to a positive one? What do you need to forgive? And what new healthy tone do you need to set? For example, the next time one of your confidants asks you about your story, you can shift it like so, “You know, I’ve felt compelled to shift my thinking around it and so I’ve made some positive steps to remedy it. I feel good about my actions and am curious and excited to see the positive developments. So, how was your weekend?”

Remember that when it comes to creating positive change it is essential to use the mind appropriately so you are properly supported. Trying to change others or the symptoms does not work. As you read in last week’s blog about working at the level of the mind, it is you that has to change your mind about the situation in order for you to feel true and lasting peace.

By letting your story go you are clearing your mind of past preoccupations. In this clear space is where a new and brighter future begins for it is in this precious, quiet and perfect present moment of non-judgment where healing truly occurs. Give it a try.

Love and Healthy Sharing,

Fiona